Passion

I think of different kinds of things when I think of passion. One that always comes to my mind is the murder of a good friend of mine. We had known each other for several years and had become good friends. Then my life changed completely and I got married again and moved to another town about 45 minutes away from her. I was still working in the town where she lived and my son was still attending kindergarten there.

I had called my friend on a Thursday evening to tell her I would be stopping by to see her the next night. She was excited cause she had a date for Saturday night and she wanted to tell me all about it.

My friend and her husband had been divorced for a few months. Their relationship was one of those tempestuous ones. They would argue and one would move out for a while, but before too long they would be back together again. They couldn't seem to stay away from each other. This went on for years. Their passion was so extreme they hated one another as much as they loved each other.

Friday after I left work and picked up my son from school we stopped at her house but she was not there. I thought that strange but wasn't real concerned because she was always busy going or doing something. As I drove farther down the street and was almost to the ramp that led to the interstate, I noticed a car beside me, where it didn't belong. I looked and it was another friend of mine. He had been watching for me to tell me that my friend had been shot and killed by her husband. I don't remember the drive home that day.

Her husband was convicted and went to prison. He died there a few years later. I can't help but remember how they were both good people. Nice people, kind people, but their passion killed them both.

Passion can be such a wonderful thing. God would not have created that emotion in us if it wasn't supposed to be good. Passion for music. Passion for art. Passion for others. Passion for life. Passion for our Lord. But it also shows me that good things can become bad things and destroy those who can't see the difference. She was my first friend who was murdered. I had another as well. But that's a wondering for another time.

Sacrifice

Where is sacrifice in your life?

It is so easy to get tangled up in our own hurt and problems that we can't see the hurt and problems others have until it smacks us in the face.

In this day and age we do seem to concentrate on ourselves so much more than I remember it being when I was young. Another of those statements made by an oldster of *I remember when* kinda thing. But the reality is as you age you are supposed to get wiser. That surely does not mean you are supposed to proclaim to the world that you know EVERYTHING. If we are stalemated at any age we are not maturing in wisdom or faith as God would want us to do.

I think of Nelson Mandela and Mother Teresa who continued their God blessed journeys way into their golden years. Those two sacrificed almost everything and suffered trials over and beyond what anyone I know personally has experienced.

That is not to say that all older people are wise, there are some who have the same shortcomings as the young who are still selfish with no inclination to sacrifice or help others. I have known both. The oldsters who give and give till they can give no more, and those who firmly believe their advice and wisdom is so much better than anyone else.

It takes courage and faith to sacrifice yourself. Those are rare commodities

Guilt

For as long as I can remember I have felt guilty about something. No explanation why but that is just the way it is with emotions. You don't always know why you feel the way you do. Guilt is one of those emotions that can sneak up on you before you realize it.If I were allowed to do something and my friend was not, I felt guilty. If my parents argued, I felt guilty, even though I was not involved in what they were arguing about. If I would hear gossip about someone I cared about, but didn't tell them, I would feel guilty, but if I did tell them, I felt the same.

So I wondered the other day where do feelings reside in us? Do they reside in our mind? Our heart? In our soul? Where do such negative feelings live?

Since the Lord has both my heart and soul, it must be my mind that oozes those dastardly thoughts and feelings. But hey, the Lord has my mind as well, so that negates that wondering. Plus that is where my wonderings originate.

I have now decided that all those negative thoughts reside in my toes. The most bottomly part of me.

Guidance

 Journal Entry

05-25-06

9:24 A.M.

 

    Today, I am exhausted.  I have asked my Father what He wants me to do with each hour of today.  I thought His answer would be to rest all day.  That, to me, seemed like the most fitting response to my prayer.  I was wrong – at least for the next few minutes.

    When Elisabeth Elliot was still hosting her radio program, "Gateway to Joy," I hardly ever missed it.  I loved hearing her no-nonsense approach to learning the ways of God.  I can still hear her telling her devoted listeners that God knows all about each of His children.  He knows all about each trial, each joy, and each tear that falls.  He knows the outcome of every situation that could worry the hearts and minds of every child.  Afterall, He chose each one of us before the foundation of the earth.  Eph. 1:4

    "And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left." Is. 30:21

    Our Father waits to hear us ask, with sincere and trusting hearts, for His guidance.  Do you, dear reader, trust Him?  He is trustworthy.  Is obedience your habit?  He rewards obedience.

 

                    Trust and obey, for there's no other way

                    To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.

                                                                    John Sammis

 

    Elisabeth Elliot has been credited with the wise words, "If you don't know what to do, don't do it."  Her point, of course, was to go to our Father.

    If you are in need of guidance, if you just can't see your way through a troubling or even desperate situation, ask your Father.  He is waiting, and He is faithful.  Remember, He already knows all about it anyway.

 

Peace,

Vicki

Humility

 This morning, during devotions, I was led to a peach of a meditation that was categorized under the heading, "Humility."  I was looking for a bit of help in dealing with that nasty sin called, "spiritual pride."  Doesn't it make you cringe, dear reader,just thinking about it?  It does me; the sin was mine.

The meditation was written by Martin Luther, and follows:

    "God created the world out of nothing, and so long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us." 

Peace,

Vicki

Why do we suffer?

I often wonder about suffering. In the last few years I have grown to believe that suffering, if you are a Christian is not a bad thing. Oh, it sounds awful and it surely is not an easy way of life, but it may be a requirement sent down by God.

I have seen true Christians suffering over my lifetime and always wondered why. If they were following God, why would he make them suffer. That seems so unlike what it should be to be a Christian.

As I have delved more and more into scripture and listened to those I consider very faithful and wise, it has finally occured to me that there is really no way we could possibly understand Jesus’s suffering if we didn’t experience some of our own.

Of course there are all kinds of ways to suffer. Sometimes the decisions we make are not the best and we suffer the consequences of our own behaviors. I am also of the belief that God tries to help us see the error of our ways as we stumble. My opinion is he is prone to tap us on the shoulder a few times until we come to our senses and do the right thing. Or, if we still don’t pay attention after a few of those taps he is apt to smack us upside the head. Now that can be painful in more ways that one. Recently I heard someone on tv say something similar and figured others must be coming to the same conclusion I have.

So what do we do about it? My solution again is to pray and listen. You really can hear God if you listen. There have been times I was really down for one reason or another and opened the door and there was a beautiful sunrise staring me in the face. Maybe God was showing me that things are still beautiful and he really is in control and I must let him lead the way. That I am the follower not the leader in this journey.

But, what if?

I would, but

Do you let but rule your life? How many times a day do you say, I would do that but I can't for one reason or another.

I would go to see my child's baseball game, but I have all this laundry to do. I would go see my friend in the hospital, but I can't bare to see how sick she is.

I didn't mean to do it, but he made me so mad I couldn't help it. I took some money from your purse, but I was going to put it back tomorrow.

Christians are just as guilty at using but as anyone else. I tried to make it to Church but, I was up too late last night so I didn't hear my alarm. I would like to help out but, I have way too many other things to do.

So of course, that set me to wondering. We usually find time when it is convenient, otherwise we make excuses why we can't do what we should be doing. We don't want to be inconvenienced.

God expects us to go out of our way to help others and to do the right thing. No matter if it interferes with our plans or not. What if God said, oh sorry but, I just don't have time for you right now, maybe another time when it is more convenient for me?

Time for a shake-up?

 I voted in the political poll that was in the Reidsville Free Press last week.  The one about allowing more parties on the ballot in November. I voted for less restrictions.  It seems to me that this entire country needs a good shaking up.  If we existed in a sort of snow globe and God gave us a really good shaking – which would probably hurt like heck, and all of that falling we would be doing would be pretty scary – maybe, though, when we hit bottom, our perspectives would be really changed.

We would all have a chance to start again.  Now, there's a wondering for Nan.  How would our lives be lived if we had the opportunity to start over again – to have a second chance?

Do you (anyone) remember the movie, The Hunt for Red October?  One of the scenes near the ending had a lasting impact on my thinking.  It's the scene when Alec Baldwin's character (Jack Ryan) and Sean Connery's character (Captain Ramius) are standing on the deck of the Red October.  The cinematography in its dark blue and black and silver is breathtaking – unforgettably beautiful.

Those two military men – one American, one Russian with tremendous respect for each other, talking very little, but the sense of accomplishment they know is powerfully evident to the viewer.  They know they have done the right thing, the good thing.  And then, to me anyway, the best line in the whole film was spoken by Ramius when he said, "Sometimes a little revolution is a good thing, now and then."  Or something like that.  Anyway, Ramius credits Thomas Jefferson with those words that have been lodged in my brain since I heard them.

I'm not expecting a revolution.  We'd screw it up anyway.  But I sure could embrace a spiritual revival.

Peace,

Vicki

Acceptance

One of the hardest things for some of us Christian is to Accept. Accept what God is doing in our lives whether it suits us or not. I think I have learned finally that when I am in a crisis, whether it be emotional, physical or any other kind..that after I have cussed, screamed, begged, prayed, etc etc. that when I stop and take a few deep breaths, calm down and quietly pray, try to listen for God to speak..I can accept. I know what happens in my life is God in action. He knows what I need, he has known from my very beginning what is going to happen in my life. When I resist it, I am sad, hateful, and most every negative emotion that exists. They teach children in school that when there is a fire you stop, drop and roll. In some ways that is how I see accepting when it is something really hard to accept. I stop, drop to my knees and roll with the punches. Always God puts me where I need to be, not only for his good, but for my own good as well. He loves me, and what is coming is what is meant to come. Whether it be the death of someone I love, a sickness that puts me out of commission, scary problems in my family..and so many many other things, I am learning to trust and therefore accept what God's plans are for me. Knowing that brings such peace to my soul. Knowing that he is in control when I am so out of control is a gift that holds such a powerful message not only to me but also to all Christians. Accepting is one of the hardest things there is in this world. Accepting of your children so they can explore and make the mistakes they need to make to grow into the adults they are meant to be. Accepting of the past failures and hurts that we all have experienced. Accepting that we are not perfect..that no human is perfect. Accepting our limitations. I have found when I accept God's will..I can accept so many other things I never could have imagined.