For several months I have been thinking and wondering about the responsibilities of parents to their children. Where does it start and where does it end?
Can you blame parents for everything their children do? If your 5th grader cheats on a test in school, are you responsible? If your college bound child is using drugs, are you responsible? What if your teenage son starts a fight in school, are you responsible? What if you find out your 9th grade daughter is promiscuous, are you responsible? How far does the responsibility factor go for a parent?
Times are so much different now than when I was growing up. Back then silence was a common commodity. If there were cracks in the family dynamic, it was kept silent. If you had a relative who committed a heinous act it wasn’t necessarily broadcasted to the whole world as it is today. If it did become known there was not nearly as much finger pointing. If an offspring or any relative did something horrible, that person got the blame because they were responsible.
It is a fact that no parent is perfect. We all have made and will continue to make mistakes because we are human, but when does our culpability begin and where does it end?
There are always stories about horrible things that have been done by SOMEONES child. I remember years ago a dear friend of mine who had a son who became a drug dealer. He was eventually sent to prison and I just recently found out he has had several trips down that road.
As a parent I know I have felt responsible when my children did something they shouldn’t have done. I must not have set a very good example for them. Or somehow I missed doing or saying the right things.
How long does the responsibility last? Do you or do you think you would, feel responsible for what your children do even if they were adults?
We all screw up our kids, it is just a question of how badly and in what way. The imporatant thing is to love your children and show them from an early age that actions (both good and bad) have consequences. Sometimes children will make bad choices that is part of life. The truth is it doesn’t matter who is to blame, we will always blame ourselves and play the “What if” game, that is part of being a parent too.
So Right, Caren. We bear the guilt no matter what. Most of us do feel responsible, although I do know some parents who blame everyone but themselves. Plus, there really are times our children are swayed by others and we have no idea. That’s the worst I think, when our influence isn’t enough.
Nan