*The Hurrier I Go, the Behinder I Get*

I remember my mother had a plaque with that saying on it. Although she explained the meaning to me, I never really understood it. Now I do.

The older I get the slower I operate. Maybe it’s somewhat of a protective mechanism.

So much going on this month. First with getting all the taxes done. When you itemize there is usually lots of paper work to be had. And this year I made a mistake and that took time to fix.

Then the *Klutz* and *If It Can Happen It Will*, in me decided to show it’s ugly head. My husband got the flu and shortly thereafter I was blessed to get it also. Then a couple of weeks ago I somehow tore a muscle in my leg, causing pain and aggravation. I eventually realized the pain and appearance of the leg needed a medical opinion, which my neighbor who is an EMT provided. I had a blood clot. Opps. The doctor worked me in and told me it wasn’t a serious thing, but I had to have a couple of tests, results not back as of yet, but my apprehension was relieved and I have tried to go on with things as normally as I can.

I also want to say to my friend Vicki, her father died a few days ago, that I am very sorry for you loss and I love you.

Have you seen her?

Once in a while I see her. A month or so ago I saw her at the grocery store. Yesterday it was at Walmart.

You can’t miss her if you are an observant person. She is always covered from head to toe in clothes. No matter what the weather is. She wears large dark glasses and her hair is in a pony tail. Usually she wears a heavy cover of makeup.

If you haven’t noticed her, you can’t know the story. I don’t know her at all. But I know what she lives. I can tell.

She wears long sleeve shirts or sweaters. That’s to cover the bruises on her arms. The dark glasses cover the usual black eye or eyes that may not be black at that moment. Perhaps it is purple or a weird shade of green or maybe even yellow. Her hair is almost always in a pony tail. Maybe that hides the bald spot where a patch of hair is no longer there, because even the roots were pulled out.

Did you notice she was limping as she pushed the cart down the aisle? That kick to the knee was pretty painful. Do you wonder why she is only using one hand to pick up and deposit groceries in the cart? Could it be there is a broken finger or two.

I notice. I am very observant about such things. I know she is in pain. Not the kind of pain you may think. Physically, pain is nothing to her. She is use to it. The pain that is hurting her is emotional and mental. Pain when she sees her children’s faces when they look at her. Or when they show the fear in their eyes because she can barely get out of bed in the morning.

There is no pain for herself. It is always for her babes. She wonders how long this will go on. How will her children be when they grow up? If she never takes them away.

Her mind is always working, trying to decide what is best, and what is worst. Can it get any worse?

Have you seen her?

Taking for granted

I guess everyone takes something for granted. Whether it be a spouse, a child, a job, their health. Whatever. But as I have said before how God taps us on the shoulder to get our attention and if that doesn’t work he slaps us upside the head, and usually that makes us conscience of something we have been taking for granted.

Recently my husband went to a couple of doctors who have pretty much confirmed he may have a spot of cancer on his head. It is something he has had for several years and when he was somewhat concerned, went to the doctor who told him to put *something* on it. I have forgotten what that was at this point. But, if it didn’t clear up to come back. Of course, he didn’t go back. So now he may be facing the toughest battle of his life. He has an appointment on Monday with a Specialist. At this point he wants nobody to know about it. Not until it has been confirmed one way or another. He would be embarrassed if someone stood up in church to ask for prayers. Isn’t that just like a man? Well, maybe not, I probably would feel the same way.

Anyway, we are in this together as always. But it has made me aware again of how much we take for granted.

Fake is as fake does

I was thinking the other day, that if I had been rich, I wouldn’t be in the shape I am in now. I probably wouldn’t be married to an old man either.

Look at all the rich people you see on the news. Where are their wrinkles? I would venture to guess, they are somewhere at the Plastic Surgeons office. Tucked away safely from the prying eyes of their worst enemies.

I am thinking I wouldn’t have all this lag and sag that makes me wonder what happened during the night. I woke up one morning and there were wrinkles everywhere on my body. I mean EVERYWHERE. How does that happen overnight? Or was I just too busy *being* that it all snuck up on me?

Then I look at my husband. He is still fairly handsome, but that gray hair surely stands out among the rest of us. He walks slower and has one of those over the belt line bellies, but he’s not too out of shape. I have been blessed to not have many gray hairs and it isn’t cause I dye. I use to, but one day I said to heck with it. I am going to be what I was created to be. Period. It also had something to do with holding my hands above my head forever.

Then I think, am I envious? No way! Just think about all the dressing up and making up I would have to do, probably every day if I was rich and famous. I bet it takes hours and hours to look like they do at the events they frequent.

It just makes me wonder what happened to aging gracefully? I look at some, like Joan Rivers and cringe. So guess, I will stay old, saggy and sometimes a bit feeble minded, but hey I am *real*. That has to count for something. And another thought comes to mind also. Will God recognize all those fake faces and bodies?

Empty lifestyles

I was wondering the other day as per usual. So many people have put money first in their lives. Most would argue that is not so. When all they talk about is money and possessions it is hard to see they love their family, like their job or care about their neighbors or anyone else besides themselves. They just have this need for more and more things that only money can buy.

It can rule and even ruin lives. Wanting the newest and best there is can get very expensive and although it is something to crow about, the crowing gets old and eventually they lose friends because of it. The rooster still crows but nobody listens.

Envy of what others own has to be such a hard way to live. And the funny thing is most people really don’t own anything, they just owe.

The M.T.S.

I am not certain but I think clocks have changed over the years. Does anyone else notice that? There are supposed to be 24 hours in each day, but something has happened to a few of those hours. They disappeared and went off on their own, or there are just fewer minutes and hours than there use to be. I wonder what happened to them.Is there such a thing as a Monster Time Stealer? I haven’t seen one yet, but I sure have noticed his dirty deeds. When I start a project, whether it be a necessary one or a trivial one, time seems to fly like the wind. Of course it could be that there is just too much to get done in one day. Nada, I will never believe that. So it has to be the M.T.S.

I wish someone would capture that varmint and send him to another planet so I can actually finish whatever I start.

The Walton’s

I wonder if anyone remembers the Walton’s television show?  My family watched it every week; maybe we liked it so much, because we were not an especially close family.  I always thought how wonderful it would be to have such a family. Grandparents, parents, children and other numerous members of one big family. Most living in the same house.

So when I decided I had to move, and my family decided they wanted to move as well, we became a modern day Walton family. We have two homes on a forty acre farm. At one home resides my daughter, her husband, three of my grandchildren and until he died a little over a year ago, my son-in-law’s father. The addition they built on their house for him is now where my almost son lives.

At the other home resides myself, my husband, son, his wife and my granddaughter. Sometimes people can barely believe we all live the way we do. Others say, “I sure wish we lived that way.”  For the most part, we are very happy to all be altogether.

It is interesting for sure. Always something going on. When you have five children and another waiting to arrive and seven adults there aren’t  many days that are not occupied with some kind of plans.

Which kinda brings me to the point. I guess I am thinking like an oldster, which I am, but it seems to me when there were children being raised sometimes more than one in a bedroom (without a bathroom attached) they learned how to get along better. How to compromise. How to show their love. How to share. And yes, how to do without. But you don’t have to be poor to want to live together as an extended family. We think we are rich beyond comprehension.

Walking in others shoes

Some people have called me a wise woman. I don’t think I am especially wise, but I have been blessed with many life experiences that have helped me put myself in others shoes and maybe feel some of what they are feeling.

I use to be angry that some of the life I lived was not good, but as I came to the Lord’s side, I found that my life experiences have given me so much more tolerance, understanding and hope. Tolerance for those who are different. Understanding of those who are in pain. And hope that they will find that God is there when they are ready to accept Him.

There were days when I did wonder where God was. The days I didn’t believe there were such things as Christians. If there was a God then why? After many years of the whys I finally figured out that I would not be here at all, but for the Lord and his grace. His hand was always on my shoulder. I just didn’t feel it at the time. All the other emotions I was feeling got in the way of finding the one that loves me the most.

Chin hairs

I don't know about anyone else, but the older I get the more prickly chin hairs I have. They grow without any regard to whether I want them or not. They just appear. Sometimes overnight.

I heard a female comedian say one time that she thought as her hair became more scarce her chin hairs became more abundant. She was beginning to think that the hair on her head was somehow leaving her head and growing out her chin. I laughed. Thought that was so funny.

But I don't think it's so funny anymore

Wonderings

The other day I was thinking about addictions. How everybody has one kind or another, and one of my addictions is thinking. I think way too much. Sometimes instead of calling it thinking I call it wondering, because I am always wondering about this or that.I wonder if there are allot of people who are wonderers like I am. I sure would like to meet a few. I say a few, cause if too many of us wonderers got together at the same time, we might have a brain burn out thinking over each other. Can you imagine ideas and wonderings flying about so freely.

I don't wonder about the universe, that I leave up to God. He has his own plans. He has most of me, he has my soul which is really the most important part for him, isn't it? He might not be real happy with me cause I wonder and think so much but I try and tell him he must have put it there in my brain. The blueprint is there and I am sure if they did a test they would see this mysterious spot they could not identify with any certainty.

I wonder which appliance or mechanical thing will give out today or tomorrow? Which one will sit there and do nothing when I push the button or turn the key to start it? When you have had things for a long time you just know that it is eventually going to go kaput at any time. So I am very thankful and grateful when everything works when I go to use it.

Have you ever wondered why someone actually named their child such a strange name. Or, wondered why some towns have such strange names? I am fascinated by names. What happened to Tom, John, and Mary?

Do you wonder why people drive like they have no sense about it? I was taught to use turn signals when I am going to turn, but I wonder why others weren't taught the same? And I thought it was a law that when you use your windshield wipers you are suppose to have your lights on.

I am not of a wisher. Wishing I had this or that. I leave those things up to those who are daydreamers. At my age *things* are not so important anymore. I admire some daydreamers because they are the ones who can come up with really neat ideas that make our lives easier. Of course there are some who dream up things that make it much more difficult. Those daydreamers I try to ignore.

So I think from now on I will call myself the Lady who Wonders.